Okay…let me just get this out of the way.  My poms look nothing like that crazy Martha Stewart's poms.  I think she ironed her tissue paper then had some anal retentive person suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder come make the thing.

I had a half-naked kid squirting glitter glue on me while I was trying to whip this thing up.  It sorta resembles the crappy pom-poms they put in those cheap cheerleader costume packs at K-Mart for $9.99.

Anyway…here's my whack tutorial. (You can find the immaculate tutorial HERE.)

 

1)  Root around in your closet, basement, attic, under the bed…wherever it is you stash your gift-giving paraphernalia.

 

2)  Stack about 8 sheets and fold them accordian-style:

 

3)  Cut each end into a rounded or pointed shape (not pictured).

 

4)  Fold some twine, string…whatever works…in the middle:

 

5)  I used floral tape to cover the barbed wire I used in step 4:

 

6)  Separate the layers, pulling them up from the center one at a time.  Martha says it will look just like this…and if it does NOT, then you're an incompetent wretch who brings shame to the masses.

 

7)  Good for you if yours turn out looking like the apparition pictured above.  Maybe mine didn't turn out so well because I used 30 sheets of tissue paper instead of the instructed 8.  I don't care….I'm a renegade:

 

8)  To make yourself feel better about not meeting Martha's rigid standards, I suggest you dress your kid up like a homeless gypsy and make her hold your creation like it's the most breath-taking piece of foliage she ever did see:

9)  To save your kid future embarrassment, take some fluffy pics too…so she won't feel like an under-paid marketing tool.

10)  Eventually she'll get fed up and tell you you're a freak.  Try to get one more good pic in while she's cooperating.

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