I couldn't make this up.  Well, I could…but the Smithsonian Channel  got to it before me.  Their  series, "Street Monkeys" takes the cake,  ya'll!  Makes me wanna move to Africa and buy a million dollar house in  the exclusive golf community where these monkeys are wreaking havoc.

And these monkeys ain't zoo monkeys.  They be thugs.  Breaking and  entering, gang fighting, sexual harassment, girl-fights, drug binges.  Oh, it's seedy!  Now for the gang names.  You ready?  Because this is  hard-core stuff here.  The Pani Gang (pronounced pantie)…vs. The Sugar  Cane Gang.  *shudder*.

For those of you who aren't inclined to watch the Smithsonian  Channel, I'll give you the cliff-notes on the current drama and the  perpetrators:

BESS

Rank: Alpha female

Distinguishing Feature: Chunk missing from right ear

Most Likely to Be Seen: Protecting the troops. A born  leader, Bess makes the rules and defends the turf.  Not to mention  she'll scratch you in the face if you get out hand.

BRAINS

Rank: Alpha male

Distinguishing Feature: Small kink in his tail

Most Likely to Be Seen: Gettin' it on with the ladies.

GIZMO

Rank: Second male in command – Sugar Cane Gang

Distinguishing Feature: White flash on forehead

Most Likely to Be Seen: Where he shouldn't be. A scout for the Sugar Cane Gang, Gizmo sneaks into enemy territory to spy on the Pani Troop.

HALF-TAIL

Rank: Second female in command

Distinguishing Feature: Half a tail

Most Likely to Be Seen: Brown-nosing.  She's all about trying to be like Bess.  It's sad, really.

MFAZI

Rank: Subordinate female

Distinguishing Feature: Low brow, missing bottom lip (torn off by Bess)

Most Likely to Be Seen: Groveling for Bess'  forgiveness, then disrupting the order of the troop again.  A  triflin' heifer who might be mentally challenged.

MR. COOL

Rank: Second male in command

Distinguishing Feature: Crooked back foot

Most Likely to Be Seen: Vying for Bess' attention and  bribing the kids with candy in an effort to attain alpha male status.   He usually winds up with the dumb chick…Mfazi.

ROBBIE

Rank: Low ranking male

Distinguishing Feature: Scar above left eye

Most Likely to Be Seen: Playing the waiting game. New to the scene, Robbie is timid, cautious and mindful of his rank.

TYSON

Rank: Subordinate male

Distinguishing Feature: Half a tail

Most Likely to Be Seen: Alone on the sidelines. With a reputation for being a thug, Tyson lives the life of an outcast.

WINGNUT

Rank: Juvenile male

Distinguishing Feature: Ear sticking out

Most Likely to Be Seen: Everywhere! Young and curious  with much to learn, he's always into something he shouldn't be.  Like  that time he overdosed on birth-control pills and cologne.  Toxic,  Wingnut…toxic