All kids lie.  I know this.  But when it becomes pathological and blatant…it's disturbing.  For instance:  The pictures above?  Yeah, I found those on my camera after my kid swore on her American Girl's life and a stack of bibles that she had NOT touched my camera.  Like I wouldn't find this out?!  And look at her snide little face!  It's insulting and condescending.

What's it going to be like when she hits the tweens?  I know I need to prepare for it…but most of my brain doesn't want to imagine the type of lying scenarios that will likely go down.

"No, mom!  I swear to Granny that I didn't sneak out of the window last night and go hang out with a homeless man, who was NOT a stranger because he offered me something to drink."

I take minimal comfort in knowing that I'm smarter than her.  I think.  But will I be one of those Mama Snoops?  The ones who root through their kid's drawers and pockets while they're away at school.  I don't want to be that mom.  But over the weekend, I came upon something while cleaning her room that jarred me to the bone.

She's a slob.  I won't deny it.  So I expected to find the usual junk.  Stale cheerios, lip-gloss smeared all over the bookcase, Gushers with no gush in the middle.

What I did NOT expect to find were sugar packets hidden like bags of crack cocaine.  I found close to 15 of them…hidden in the trunk of Strawberry Shortcake's car, in the Squinkie gum-ball machine, up Tinker Bell's dress, inside of a Happy Meal toy that was inside an old Christmas tin that was at the bottom of her toy-box.  A few of them were shoved under the flaps of her Fisher Price pop-up book and I found the last few in Polly Pocket's horse trailer.

I was appalled.  Frightened. Befuddled.  So as I'm standing there waving a sugar packet in front of her face, all I'm thinking is, "In a few years, this sugar packet is gonna be a fat bag of weed."

Of course, she reminded me that these were mere allegations and ran outside to harass the cat.  I used to worry about her being imprisoned for life due to her committing some whack and heinous crime.  After witnessing her not-guilty plea to Mom vs. Liar, I'm convinced she could hoodwink the most experienced and seasoned prosecutor on the circuit.  With aplomb.

Don't get me wrong.  I love my kid.  But she's killing me, people….and there ain't nothin' soft about it