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Remember those Amelia Bedelia books from when you were a kid?  I loved those books.  Mostly because she made me feel smart. Like that time she shoved a cat into a box of trash.  Litter box.  Get it?  If that were a modern story, no doubt PETA would be throwing pig's blood and chanting hate rhymes on public television.

So when I saw this Asparagus Water at Whole Foods, I figured the genius who came up with the idea was kin to Amelia.  Or maybe it was a disgruntled employee of Whole Foods, out to get revenge of some sort.  If it was, in fact, a revenge tactic...then the whole entire thing is hilarious.  After becoming the laughing stock of the internet, Whole Foods came out saying the whole thing was a "miscommunication."

"It was meant to be water with the essence of vegetables and/or mushrooms to be used as broth (similar to a bone broth), which are typically made over a long period of time soaking in water," senior media relations specialist Liz Burkart.

The ESSENCE of Asparagus.  Sounds like a movie that comes on after 1:00 a.m.  How does one extract the essence of the asparagus?  Well I'll tell you.  From Nature with Love.  They suggest bleaching, deodorizing and several other inventive methods to obtain the vegetable magic.  And have we forgotten what this nasty mess actually tastes like?  I don't know about you, but when I eat asparagus, my urine becomes flammable.  I know that's crass but I don't care.  I speak the truth.  So I can only imagine that this $5.99 bottle of health actually tastes like diluted pee-pee water.  Not bone broth.

C'mon Whole Foods.  Really?   Pee Pee Water?  Inflated prices? Don't be that guy.  It's beyond shameful.