First and foremost I want to thank all the people who have contacted me about my whereabouts.  Had one reader ask if I needed bail money.  I pondered lying and giving him my Paypal info, but that's shady behaviour and I'll have no part of that.

So here's the thing.  Essentially I've been sick for the past year.  About three months ago things got a little worse.  Two weeks ago I started puking violently and thought I'd pulled a gut muscle.  I've done that before and the symptoms were identical.  So I figured I had a stomach bug.  Two days later I was in such extreme pain that I hobbled into the den and said "Take me now" to my husband.  For a minute I saw his face light up.....until I finished my sentence with..."to the hospital you idiot."

So I'm in the E.R.  I hate the place.  They did the standard work-up.  Pulled my blood and urine.  They were in no rush whatsoever.  Until my lab results came back.  I was immediately moved to another room and a surgeon came rushing in saying, "You are one sick girl!!  You shouldn't be sitting up cracking jokes.  Not much surprises me but....seriously.  You're severely ill.  Your pain threshold is unnatural."

Gee thanks doc.  How 'bout that morphine now?  Turns out I was extremely ill and they had no idea what it was because my liver, pancreas and gallbladder were showing signs of infection.  They slammed me with antibiotics and fluids, did every scan under the moon and determined that the gallbladder was the culprit and it had been growing bacteria for a good long while.  I was like, "Yank that thang!  Bring me tomato soup!  Let's do this!"  That's about the time they gave me the Versed (that's a med that makes you not give a single gram of woop).

So about two hours after surgery I felt like a million bucks.  I had no idea how much pain I'd been living with.  My back didn't hurt anymore.  My energy level was back.  Anxiety was gone.  The general malaise vanished.  My appetite came back with a vengeance.   Because I feel like we're all family here I don't mind telling you that I now poop every day.  Quite an accomplishment let me tell you.

Anyway, that's where I've been.  My kid starts back to school on Monday and you can expect my blogging ignorance to ensue.  Sit tight kids.  It's fixin' to be AWN!