Are you questioning your faith in the Mormon church?  Need support?  Need help transitioning into a normal life?  Then you need to head on over to exmormon.org.  Up to this point, I didn't really know much about the Mormons, other than they are forever screwing up a good bacon dream by pounding on the door at 6 a.m. with their little helmets and ties.

But the husband told me that if I was going to mock Mitt Romney, then I'd better educate myself on their wily ways.  So I did.  And now I will pass these tid-bits of knowledge on to you in the hopes that you'll think twice five million times before pulling a lever and voting for one these knuckleheads.

NOTE TO CRAZY REPUBLICANS (This does not apply to the cool Republicans):

Please don't try to pick a fight to prove a point.  I have learned that you cannot getting into a hee-hawing contest with a jack donkey.

NOTE TO CRAZY MORMONS:

Please.  Don't.

 

DID YOU KNOW?

  • God was once a man like us.
  • God has a tangible body of flesh and bone.
  • God lives on a planet near the star Kolob.
  • God ("Heavenly Father") has at least one wife, our "Mother in Heaven," but she is so holy that we are not to discuss her nor pray to her.
  • Jesus was married.
  • We can become like God and rule over our own universe.
  • There are many gods, ruling over their own worlds.
  • Jesus and Satan ("Lucifer") are brothers, and they are OUR brothers - we are all spirit children of Heavenly Father.
  • Jesus Christ was conceived by God the Father by having sex with Mary, who was temporarily his wife.
  • We should not pray to Jesus, nor try to feel a personal relationship with him.
  • The "Lord" ("Jehovah") in the Old Testament is the being named Jesus in the New Testament, but different from "God the Father" ("Elohim").
  • In the highest degree of the celestial kingdom some men will have more than one wife.
  • Before coming to this earth we lived as spirits in a "pre-existence", during which we were tested; our position in this life (whether born to Mormons or savages, or in America or Africa) is our reward or punishment for our obedience in that life.
  • Dark skin is a curse from God, the result of our sin, or the sin of our ancestors. If sufficiently righteous, a dark-skinned person will become light-skinned.
  • The Garden of Eden was in Missouri. All humanity before the Great Flood lived in the western hemisphere. The Ark transported Noah and the other survivors to the eastern hemisphere.
  • Not only will human beings be resurrected to eternal life, but also all animals - everything that has ever lived on earth - will be resurrected and dwell in heaven.
  • Christ will not return to earth in any year that has seen a rainbow.
  • Mormons should avoid traveling on water, since Satan rules the waters.
  • The sun receives its light from the star Kolob.
  • If a Gentile becomes Mormon, the Holy Ghost actually purges his Gentile blood and replaces it with Israelite blood.
  • A righteous Mormon will actually see the face of God in the Mormon temple.
  • You can identify a false angel by the color of his hair, or by offering to shake his hand.