Sometimes I have bad days. And there are other times when I have REALLY bad days. I had one of the latter a couple of weeks ago. I've actually been sword fighting with "The Sadness" for the past few months and I'm just now beginning to feel like I'm on the up-swing.
Anyway.....back to my REALLY bad day. When things get this bad, I lock myself in my work room. Sometimes it's just for an hour. Sometimes it's for days. I figure it's not fair to subject everyone within a 3 mile radius to my meanness. I've always been blatantly honest with Cali about these times. Sometimes I feel like I suck boiled eggs because I can't be one of those moms who can whip out their teet on the cover of Time magazine. (Totally different post). But I figure it's better to be transparent and teach the kid some coping skills of her own in the process.
Sometimes though, she doesn't quite understand. One of the coping skills I've managed to successfully pass on to her is the ability to express herself through art. Especially when her emotions are in a hot mangled mess. So while I was curled up in a ball on the floor, cursing my tainted brain, a note was gently pushed under my door.
I looked at it for about 5 minutes, trying to figure it out. Finally I called out to her, "What am I supposed to do here?"
And SHE said:
"Do you want to be in a happy world or a sad world? You make the choice...check yes or no."
Really? I circled "Yes" and replied, "Baby, of course I want to be in a happy world. Sometimes it's not that simple."
But maybe it is. Maybe it IS as easy as making the choice to snap out of it. Or at least to try. So I slid the note back under the door and got up off the floor. Later that night she asked, "What do you do in there when the door is locked?'
I told her I make gnomes. I cannot tell a lie.
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